Have you ever noticed that we tend to focus on what's going wrong with our relationship rather than what's going right? This is what psychologists and sociologists refer to as "negativity bias." Here is an example of how it works in our brains: Imagine going on...
We love this saying because it underlies so many of the breakdowns that couples have: We argue for our intentions, but others judge us on our impact. Why do we find it so meaningful in our practice? When we say things that upset or offend the person...
We are living in unprecedented times, navigating uncharted territories. We are all showing up the best we can. Our partners are probably experiencing the best of us—and perhaps the worst of us. We all have different ways of coping with crisis. For example, one of...
We are excited to kick off the new year with updating our blog again. This month we have been focused on sharing resources on how you can grow together with your partner and we feel that having a relationship vision is extremely important. We enter a...
Many of the challenges we see in couples therapy have common themes: cheating, not supporting me, doesn’t listen, doesn’t stop talking, always blaming, always controlling, never wants sex, always wants sex, doesn’t understand me…. Oh wait, here is a good one… he’s crazy or she’s...
“Forgiveness often comes with a humbling of the heart in which you’re okay with human imperfections.”~ Adyashanti Forgiveness is a concern for at least 80% of my clients. There is so much written on the topic, I wasn’t sure where to begin. So, I decided to...
“Tears are emotions that are so big they can no longer be contained by the body.”~ Debbie Seid, author of The Ladder of Life. As a marriage therapist, I always remain in a state of curiosity when I delve into a person’s tears. What I’ve noticed is...
In a healthy marriage, roles and responsibilities are discussed because they directly affect each partner's behaviors and responsibilities in everyday life. Whether it's household chores, childcare or decisions that need to be made, partners need to discuss how these roles should be defined and implemented. Quite...
Three Relationship Magic Words Most people think of the phrase "I love you" when they think of three relationship magic words. I think there are many magic words to use in relationships. However, in my opinion, the three most extraordinary words to assist with the cultivation...
Understanding Perspective in Relationships When I'm counseling a couple, often times they both have the same exact experience but have completely different perspectives of what actually happened. Usually one of the partners is trying to impose their perspective on the other, which is what's creating the...