07 Apr Spring 2023 Newsletter

Spring Cleaning for Couples

I love Spring. Particularly this year after so much cold and rain, the warmth of the sun feels healing. I used to feel that fall was my favorite season because I love jeans and boots at the first hint of fall, but this year I am pretty sure spring will be my favorite. Spring invokes in me the invitation to clean out that which no longer serves to make space for that which does.

When my daughter Shayna was 8 we started the ritual of going through her toys and belongings around springtime (Passover for us) and I asked her to fill at least one bag of toys that she was no longer using.  I explained to her that if she did not use items in her closet for one year that she may think about whether or not it was time to pass them on to someone else who may love them. I tried to explain to her that when we have things in our lives that we don’t use it actually creates stuck energy and that we feel so much better when we release it.  I was always amazed at how much stuff Shayna was able to move out of her space.  The first year I thought she was just “over achieving” the task, but each year she actually gave away more and never looked back. 

So, what is spring cleaning for couples?  I believe it is simply the process of giving up that which no longer serves so that you can makes more space for all of the wonderful aspects in your relationship that do serve.  Specifically, what are the thoughts and behaviors that you choose to purge from the relationship to create more safety, love and connection?  What are the thoughts and behaviors you choose to add?

Here are a few examples:

• I choose to create a more loving connection when my partner comes home from work (kiss, hug and look lovingly into my his eyes) instead of just a “hi honey”
• I choose to be more proactive with cleaning the kitchen instead of waiting for my partner to complain.
• I choose to hold back from trying to fix my partners problems and just be there for her and listen.
• I choose to be more proactive planning fun activities instead of relying on my partner to always do it
• I choose to be more trusting of my partner instead of always assuming the worst
• I choose to be more present with my partner when I come home from work instead of making my phone the priority.

Have fun with it and don’t overcommit.  It’s better to just pick one that would make a big difference and really nail it than agree to a long list that you fail to implement. Afterall, we are habitual beings and with each choice we make we are creating a new habit… which takes a real commitment.

Learning from Grief

Many people ask how I am doing with the passing of Craig. Well, I am learning as I go and here are a few of my learnings so far.

Grief comes in waves and they don’t announce their arrival, they just show up.

The more I resist the waves the more awful I feel emotionally and physically

Breathing through the waves helps and so does just allowing the big ones to take me to my knees in that moment, knowing that later or tomorrow I will get back up again.

Getting stuck in “I can’t believe this happened” or “Why Craig?”is not helpful but reflecting upon all of the good that happened because we met takes me down the path of gratitude.  So does reflecting on all the beautiful things in my life right now.  I can feel the energy of gratitude heal my mind and body and extend beyond myself to all those I connect with.

I am learning about boat building.  I realize I have a choice to stand on the edge of my boat complaining about the waves and worrying about the next one, or I can get busy with building my boat so that as I spend time here on earth it will be a smoother ride.  Boat building, for me right now, is getting exercise, eating pretty clean, hanging out with good friends, sprucing up my garden, travelling to Mexico and building a new community of support there, enjoying our little puppy Lilah, working with couples, writing and planning a trip to Italy with my daughter.

I have always felt that the purpose of life is to have fun and add value along with way whether it is through the work you do, a smile to a stranger or being extra kind and present with those you love.   I do notice that the more I focus on my purpose in life, which is not what I lost but what is right there before me, the more alive I feel.

I believe there is a thin veil between this world and the next and I feel particularly grateful for my ongoing connection to Craig.  Ram Dass would say, “People often ask me how to connect with loved ones who have passed. I tell them they are always there, just connect.”  After hearing that I decided to connect with Craig and… he was right there. I have ongoing conversations with him that are loving and amazingly supportive. He helps remind me that he is always there, always has my back and proud of me for going on. He also tells me that there are many more known and unknown souls that are there supporting my journey. The other day I told him that I miss creating with him.  He said, let’s create something and suggested that we work on the book he was always encouraging me to write. Before he passed, he said, “Please don’t die with your book inside of you”. So, we are writing it… together.

Lilah Lambert – Our new team member

• Position Title – Support Animal
• Responsibilities – Provide love and support as needed throughout client sessions

Okay she is just 15 months old and is still in training but she is trying her best. 
Just a little bit about Lilah.  She is very good with people and animals of all sizes.  Her favorite activity when she is not working is to play.  This means throwing around a very loud squeaky toy over and over until she decides to sleep. She also enjoys going to the park and playing with other fur babies and their owners. She has a particular affinity for the landscape maintenance crew and doesn’t let the blower get in her way of hanging out by their shoes while she gets some love. She is hypoallergenic so should not present an issue for those with dog allergies.  However, if you have any concerns or would like to have her in the other room during your appointment just let me know. If you have a dog that is good with small dogs, you are more than welcome to bring your dog.  Lilah would love the company.

I wish you all a beautiful Spring… enjoy the warm weather and new beginnings that Spring represents.

In Love, 
Debbie